Hmmm...

So lately I've just been feeling a little down. I really have no idea where my life is headed. I guess being around all these people getting married and going to all these shower, just shows me how I'm not anywhere where I thought I would be. Part of me just wishes I could fast forward a few years to get them all over with, but I have a feeling the cycle will never end. Weddings, babies, weddings, babies....that's how it goes. I'm not happy with my job. I feel it has no purpose or meaning. I don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore. I want a job that I don't dread going to everyday. I just wish God would tell me what to do, but it's like he's not speaking to me or I can't hear him or maybe I'm just missing the answer because it's not something that I want to hear. I can't understand why he would want me to be stuck in a job where I don't do anything. Shouldn't my job have a purpose? The thought of not having a family (I have a family, but I mean a husband a kids) just depresses me. I watch all my friends and I see their happiness (and their struggles). I want to know what it's like to have a baby. I'm sure it's not easy, but it's one of those experiences in life that I really want to experience. I know I have a lot of my life ahead of me. I'm only 26. Over half my life has been spent in school. How are you suppose to meet anyone when all the guys are married or not a Christian? The few that are Christians, there just seems to be a personality clash there. I don't know. I'm tired of waiting, waiting for something that might never come and the thought of that just makes me want to cry. I just don't know what to do anymore or what God's plan for my life is...