So I was reading this book and when I finished it, I just had a breakdown. I'm still in the middle of my breakdown I guess. I just started crying. I'm so discouraged with my life right now. I have no job, no house, and I'm not anywhere where I thought I would be. Sometimes I feel so alone. At church today, the sermon was about how we crave intimacy with God. I just feel like God's not there even though in my head I know he is, my heart just feels like he has deserted me. Maybe I need to spend more time in prayer or reading my bible, I don't know. I just feel like I have all these questions with no answers. I don't know what to do. I don't know where I'm suppose to be. I don't what I'm going to do. I don't know where my life is headed. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing anything. I like to have a plan. I find myself constantly thinking of how things might happen in the future. I just don't know what is going to happen to me. Maybe I just like having a routine. Who knows? I just wish God would clue me on something. It's like he's trying to teach me a lesson in waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...and patience. I know I need to learn patience, but I've just reached the point where I'm sick of it. I'm tired of waiting. When will something happen? I just want to settle down a nice job, a nice house, maybe a dog and a family. Is that too much to ask? I guess I just need to trust God. He's given me a peace about the job, but sometimes I don't take that as enough. I just get tired of waiting. Tired of not being able to do things, because I'm trying not to spend money. Tired of not being able to help pay for things. Money truely is the root of all evil. I'm coming to realize that.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
4 years ago
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