Job searching

I must say, searching for a job is for the birds. This is the absolute worst time to be looking for a job. I'm so frustrated. I keep applying and nothing happens. I started writing that this morning, then I got hungry and had to go pick up Nikki from her appointment so I couldn't finished. I just started crying while making my grilled cheese sandwich. I'm so tired of waiting. I just want a house, a family (well, I have a family, but you know what I mean), just to be settled somewhere. The thought keeps running through my head maybe I'm suppose to move, but then I think move where? I don't know where I would go. Part of me is like, go out west, maybe you will meet a guy out there. I don't think that's a good reason to move. I should move because that's what I feel like God is calling me to do. I don't feel like God is calling me to do anything at the moment. I think he's teaching me patience and trust right now. Two things that I need to learn, but I just can't seem to grasp yet. I'm looking forward to the day when I can move beyond this. I'm starting to worry about money. It's not like I don't have any, but still I worry. I freak out that all my stuff is going to go missing one day from the storage unit or they are going to lock it and I can't get to it. It's not like I've missed a payment or anything. I don't know where this paranoia is coming from, but it's going to drive me insane. Earlier today, when I was crying, I was like maybe I just need to pray more. I know I have gotten slack about praying. Sometimes, I just wonder what my purpose is. I think I say that a lot, but still. It's so confusing not knowing where you are going to be or how you are going to pay your bills in a couple of months. I don't even have a place that I can call home. I have a place where I sleep, but it doesn't have my things in it. It has someone else's. My things are in storage. I so want to read a book, but it's in a box in storage and I don't want to go searching for it. I already made a mess over there earlier looking for my Christmas DVDs. I hate not being able to find things. Anyways, on a more positive note, I've decided to start posting some of my favorite things about my friends kids. So look for that soon. I'm thinking I need to go do my bible study right now before I have to go get Wyatt off the bus. This study is probably just what I need. I'm doing Believing God by Beth Moore with my friend Carrie.